The Changing Nature of Friendship
by annem57
Summary: How Scully's illness could have manifested BEFORE Leonard Betts said his immortal line.


**The Changing Nature of Friendship**

**Summary: How Scully's illness could have been**

**manifesting BEFORE Leonard Betts said his immortal**

**line.**

**Other stuff: Has anyone else noticed that the women**

**Mulder gets are all in the 'reasonable babe' category?**

* * *

The Changing Nature of Friendship.

The last few weeks had been, quite simply,

unbelievable. I know that I had seen many unbelievable

things in my four years on the X-Files, but the last

month had really been trying. I had been feeling more

rundown than normal, and the last few cases had been

real dogs.

First, there was the Peacock family, and the horror

that accompanied them. Then, Mulder's blond 'friend',

Marita, had given him information that actually didn't

help the case that we were working on. Mulder ended up

paralysed and in hospital for a while, but he seemed

to bounce back alright. He hadn't been back at work

too long when I ended up almost lobotomised by Gerry

Schnauz. The kicker, though, has been this last case

that we just finished.

Mulder claimed that he found his soul mate.

It's not me.

Whoa, where did that come from?

I mean, seriously, where did that come from?

Okay. I admit it. I love Fox Mulder, and I'm fairly

sure that I'm in love with him. So, when he said that this Melissa woman is his soul

mate, and all I am is his sergeant or his father or

his male whatever, it cut very close to the bone. If

that is how he truly sees me, then I need to assess

where I go from here.

I have always had in the back of my mind the feeling

that once we were able to get the answers that we both

needed, and get justice for the wrongs inflicted on

us, that we would be free to pursue a more intimate

form of our partnership. Knowing how Mulder sees me

changes that future from quite probable to virtually

impossible. I can see now that the innuendo was simply

a way for him to relieve tension.

He doesn't see me as female, so of course he doesn't

want me.

Why on earth did I say that I wouldn't change a day?

Fox Mulder lay on his leather couch, staring at the

ceiling. He was contemplating what had just happened

in Tennessee, and was having trouble reconciling all

that had gone on. He analysed what he had said, both

to Melissa and to Scully. He could still remember the

flash of hurt he saw in Scully's eyes as she answered

his question. He had always felt an attachment to

Scully, and he didn't want to see her hurt. Why, then,

did he believe what Melissa had said about she and he

being soul mates? Was it because it gave him a reason

to continue to keep Scully at arm's length? Or was it

because it gave him something to hide his growing

attraction to Scully behind? And if Melissa was his

soul mate, why did Scully feature so prominently in

all of his past lives?

The whys were running around in his mind so fast that

his head was starting to spin, and he was beginning to

feel nauseous. He shook his head as if to clear it,

then stood and went into the kitchen to forage for

food. Nothing in his fridge was edible, so he wandered

back into the living room, where he picked up the

phone to order a pizza. That done, he called Scully.

Maybe she could help him sort through the feelings.

Her machine picked up. "This is Dana Scully. Please

leave a message."

"Hey, Scully, it's me. Call me when you get in. It's

important." He then called her cell phone. It too went

to voicemail, where he left the same message. He

started to wonder where Scully could be, as it was

getting late. Mulder wasn't to know that she was

standing in the living room, tears slowly dripping

down her cheeks as she heard him leave his message.

When I arrived in the office the next morning, I had

my armour in place, and my excuses for not calling him

back were ready. All the Mulder signs were there: the

coffee was ready, his coat was slung over the back of

his chair, and his computer was on. I moved to my

area, and started preparing for the day, all the while

wondering what Mulder's mood would be. Would he be

morose over Melissa's death? I was pondering the

answer to that question when he breezed into the

office.

"Hey, you're here."

"Yes, I am," I replied. "New case?" I asked, noting

the files in his hands.

"Yep. Skinner just gave it to me. 302s' are approved,

and we're out of here later today."

I looked at him expectantly, waiting for more

information. When it became obvious that he wasn't

about to say anymore, I said, "You know, Mulder, it

would be nice to have some more information about this

case before we arrive wherever it is we're going."

He shook himself, and looked at me with a hint of

mischief in his gaze. "I thought it'd be a nice

surprise for you," he finished with a grin.

I was unamused. "We've been partners going on four

years, Mulder. I think that I deserve a little more

courtesy, don't you?"

"What's the matter, Scully? You know I like to play

things close to my chest."

"Yes, I know, and I'm tired of it. Now tell me where

the case is, and what it's about," I demanded.

"Or what? You won't come?" he asked, puzzled.

"Oh no, I'll come. I just want to know before we

leave, so that I can be better prepared."

"Fine," he snarled as he threw the file at me. I just

managed to catch it, and was about to sit and read it

when he spoke again.

"Don't bother sitting down." I raised my eyebrow at

him, and he continued. "I've arranged for you to go to

the lab and help Pendrell run some tests for me that

are related to this case." My look of disbelief didn't

even register with him as he kept on talking, and

among other things he said that he'd meet me at the

airport at 3pm, and not to forget the test results,

and oh yeah, he'd better take the file as I wouldn't

have time to read it. He pulled the file out of my

hands, packed his desk up, and left the office. All I

could was sit down in the guest chair, and wonder at

his actions.

Once again, Mulder had clearly shown me by his actions

that he was unhappy with my presence.

Something was going to have to give, and I was hoping

that it wouldn't be me.

And why was I feeling so damn tired?

Mulder was pacing around the gate at the airport.

Where was Scully? It wasn't like her to be late. He

pulled out his cell and pushed speed dial one.

"This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message."

"Scully, it's me. We needed to board five minutes ago.

I can't believe that you're blowing me off like this.

They're calling final boarding, so you're just going

to have to catch up to me in Chicago. Go see Skinner

for the details." Mulder could not believe that Scully

would out and out refuse an assignment. He had just

picked up his bag, and was heading for the jetway when

his cell buzzed.

"Mulder."

"Agent Mulder," said Assistant Director Walter

Skinner, "your partner fainted about three hours ago

while she was in the labs running tests. She has been

transported to GWMC, and has not yet regained

consciousness. Her mother has been informed, and is

now at the hospital with her."

Mulder stood in the middle of the jetway, torn between

going to Chicago and going to Scully. Why was he even

mad at her? Maybe putting some space between them

would be helpful. "Thank you for letting me know, sir.

I'll ask someone from the Chicago field office to help

me."

Skinner grunted in surprise, but before he could say

anything, Mulder said, "I have to board now. Call you

later." Skinner looked at the phone in his hand.

Something was going on between his best pair of

agents, and he was going to find out what it was.

I slowly struggled through the blackness that was

surrounding me. In the distance I could see Mulder, so

I called out to him. "Mulder, I need your help!"

"Sorry, Scully," he said as he turned towards me. "I

have to check out this case, so you need to come to

me."

"But I can't move quickly enough; something's holding

me back. I need you to help me! Please!"

"I can't do that, Scully. It's not like you're

important to me or anything," he replied as he turned

and started walking away.

"Mulder, I need you," I said as the tears started

again. "Please, Mulder, I love you!"

He turned again, looked me in the eye, and said, "But

I don't love you." And he walked away. I screamed as

the blackness started grasping my hands.

"Dana! You're having a nightmare. You need to wake up

now!" I slowly opened my eyes to see my mom hovering

over me, holding my hand in both of hers.

"Mom?" I croaked. "Where am I?"

"GWMC, baby girl. You fainted at work five hours ago,

and for the last hour, you've been having nightmares

and calling for Fox." She bathed my face with a warm

washcloth, and brushed my hair out of my face. "The

doctor will be in soon to talk with you." She looked

closely at me, and asked, "Is everything alright,

Dana?"

I started to nod, and was mortified when the tears

began. Mom got up, sat on the bed, and held me while I

sobbed. I must have been babbling about the last few

weeks and the cases and Mulder because my mom's voice

penetrated the miasma of emotions.

"I know that you love Fox, Dana. Don't you realise

that he loves you too?"

"But he doesn't, mom. He's convinced that a woman he

met less than a week ago is his soul mate, and she's

dead now."

"Now, Dana, you must be mistaken."

I tried to stop the traitorous tears as I raised my

eyes to my mom's. "He doesn't even see me as a woman,

mom. In this soul mate thing of his, I was always

there as a man!" Dammit if the tears didn't start

again. Mom just continued to hold me while the storm

of emotion worked its way through me. I was finally

starting to recover when the doctor came in. We talked

about what happened, and he went through my test

results. It seemed that my blood count wasn't quite

right, so he wanted me to start on an iron supplement,

as well as a prescription multivitamin. He made

arrangements for me to see him in a week, and said

that I could go home in the morning, and only half

days at work until after he had seen me again.

"What time should I be here in the morning, Dana?"

"I guess around 10am should be fine. I need to call

Skinner. Have you seen my cell phone?"

Mom opened the drawer in the bedside table, and handed

my phone to me. She kissed me on the cheek, told me to

get some sleep, and that she'd see me in the morning.

Then she was gone.

I was just about to call Skinner when the man himself

came into my room. He looked troubled as he entered,

but recovered quickly.

"Agent Scully, I was just talking to your doctor.

You'll be on half days, so would you prefer mornings

or afternoons?"

"I think that mornings would be better, sir. Do you

want me to let Mulder know?"

Skinner got that troubled look again before he

answered. "I think that maybe I'd better tell him,

Scully. I called him as he was about to board the

flight to Chicago. He said that he'd get an agent from

the field office to help him with this case. Scully,

what's going on?"

I couldn't answer. All the times we had been at each

other's bedside in hospital, and right after the

Melissa debacle, he chooses to stay away. I looked at

the phone in my hand and accessed my voicemail. Almost

immediately, I wished I hadn't.

"Scully, it's me. We needed to board five minutes ago.

I can't believe that you're blowing me off like this.

They're calling final boarding, so you're just going

to have to catch up to me in Chicago. Go see Skinner

for the details."

Mulder was mad at me, and for the life of me, I

couldn't figure out why. I must have looked stunned,

as Skinner motioned for the phone. I gave it to him,

and he listened to Mulder's message. His face grew

hard, and he looked at me when the message finished

playing. I answered his unspoken questions.

I told Skinner about what happened in Tennessee, and

what had happened in the office earlier. I omitted my

role in Mulder's past lives, as it made no real

difference to what Mulder had done. Skinner grunted,

then stood to leave. He told me to come and see him in

two days' time, where he and I would discuss things

further.

After Skinner had gone, I leant back against the

pillows and started to seriously think about what was

happening to me. I started to summarise so I could

control my thoughts. Mulder was mad at me; he didn't

respect me as a colleague; he certainly didn't see me

as a woman; and, he wasn't by my bedside when I woke.

What on earth had I done to Mulder? I picked my phone

up and called Mulder. It went straight to voicemail.

"Mulder, it's me. I'm really sorry that I won't be

able to come to Chicago. The doctor has ordered that I

take tomorrow off work, and then it's half days for a

week. Pendrell said he'd fax the test results to the

field office for you. Please be careful." I ended the

call, and put my phone on the bedside table.

Sleep didn't come easily to me that night.

Fox Mulder hadn't had the best of days. First, Scully

wasn't with him in Chicago. Second, the agent who had

volunteered to go with him was a rookie, and didn't

know whether he was coming or going. Third, Scully

wasn't with him, she was in hospital. Fourth, his

Scully wasn't with him. His conscience had been

pricking him all afternoon and evening. How was she?

Why was she in hospital? He thought back to the

conversation he'd had with Skinner earlier that

evening.

"Agent Mulder, I thought that you should know that

your partner was admitted to GWMC earlier today.

She'll be discharged in the morning, but the doctor

has limited her to half days for the next week. Should

her follow up appointment next week show problems,

then she'll be restricted to half days for the

foreseeable future. Will this be a problem for you?"

"How is she doing, sir?"

"Why are you asking me, Mulder?"

"Well, you saw her earlier."

"And?"

"And I might have given her the impression that I was

unhappy that she wasn't with me. Please, sir."

"She seemed pretty upset about something, but apart

from that, she wasn't too bad. Of course, that was

before she listened to the message you left her."

"Oh."

"Anything you want to tell me, Agent?"

"No, sir."

"Keep me apprised."

Mulder looked at his cell, and decided to call Scully.

First, he checked his voicemail. There were a couple

of messages from the Gunmen, and one from Scully.

"Mulder, it's me. I'm really sorry that I won't be

able to come to Chicago. The doctor has ordered that I

take tomorrow off work, and then it's half days for a

week. Pendrell said he'd fax the test results to the

field office for you. Please be careful."

He felt like kicking himself. His Scully sounded so

sad and defeated. Wait a minute, he thought, when did

I start thinking of her as MY Scully? That set him

back on his heels, and he started to analyse that

train of thought. He looked at the phone again, and

hit the speed dial. It rang four times, then a slurred

voice answered.

"H'lo?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Hey Scully, it's me."

Silence. "Scully, you there?"

Another pause, then "Yeah, I'm here."

"How're you feeling?"

"Tired. How's the case going?"

'How's the case going?' he thought. 'Of course, you

stupendous ass! It's 10pm here, so it's 11pm in DC. Of

course she's going to think that you're only

interested in talking about the case'. To her, he

said, "The case is a waste of time."

Another long pause, then very quietly she asked, "So

why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you, Scully."

"Well, you were earlier today," she said, her voice

increasing in volume. "You didn't want to give me

details of the case, then you ordered me to run those

tests for you. Then, when I wasn't at the airport on

time, you left a nasty voicemail message that I only

listened to after I regained consciousness three hours

ago. You don't respect me as your equal, and you

certainly don't trust me. If you did, you'd share more

details of the cases before we go into the field where

you make me look like a fool because I don't know

what's going on. What exactly do I have to do before

you see me for who I am?" she finished up shouting at

him.

Mulder was astonished by the vehemence of Scully's

outburst. He listened to her harsh breathing as she

tried to calm down, and searched frantically for the

words to say to help her feel better. "But I do trust

you, and I do respect you."

Scully laughed harshly at that. "No, Mulder, you

don't. I have done everything in my power to earn your

trust, and what has it got me? You ditch me physically

every chance you get. What's worse is you ditch me

emotionally whenever there's a chance you can get

laid."

"That's not how it is. ."

Once again, Scully laughed. "That is exactly what you

do. You see everyone and everything around you, except

me. I'm just the loyal assistant that gets left behind

as an inconvenience, then when you need me to pull

your ass out of the fire, or patch you up, or appear

by your hospital bed, I'm there. What you don't

realise is that I'm actually happy to do all of that,

and you want to know why? It's because I fell in love

with you three years ago, you son of a bitch!"

Mulder could feel the emotional pain that Scully was

in, and he asked as calmly as he could, "You love me?

You're in love with me?"

Scully gasped as she realised what she had said to

Mulder. She looked at the cell phone in her hand,

disconnected the call, switched the phone off, and

threw it back in the drawer.

Mulder tried to call her back, but got the out of

service message. He looked at the time. It was too

late to try to go back to DC, plus he really did need

to do the right thing by the field office if he

happened to need something from Skinner, which was

likely under the circumstances. 'Time to make things

right with Scully,' he thought.

I sat up in the hospital bed, appalled with myself and

my lack of self-control. I had just managed to doze

off when Mulder called, and I wasn't in anywhere near

the right frame of mind to talk to him about anything,

let alone how I feel about him. I didn't even realise

that I had told Mulder I was in love with him until he

repeated it back to me. The question now was: would he

drop everything and race back to DC, or would he laugh

himself silly over my emotional ramblings? It was time

for me to do some damage control. I pressed the call

button, and when the night nurse arrived, I went into

action.

Ninety minutes later, the cab I was in pulled up in

front of the Hoover building.

Once inside, I made my way to our, or should I say

Mulder's, office, where I collected my personal

belongings. I switched Mulder's computer on, and once

the start-up routine had finished, I sent two emails.

The first was to A.D. Skinner, requesting a leave of

unspecified duration. I asked that he combine my

medical leave, comp time, and time in lieu. If I

didn't think that was going to be enough time away

from the office and Mulder, then it would have to be

augmented by unpaid leave. The reasons I gave Skinner

were simple: I wasn't well, and I needed a break.

The second email was to Mulder. I didn't know when

he'd access email, but I wanted to be long gone when

he read it.

After I had finished with the emails, I shut

everything down, collected my things, and went to my

car. From the Hoover building, I went back to my

apartment, where I threw some clothes into a bag.

After a quick shower to wash the hospital smell off, I

trashed the perishables in my fridge. Then it was off

to mom's for a few more things. All I told her was

that I really needed to get away, and that when I

found a place to stay, I'd call her.

Then I hit the road, all the time wondering how I was

going to recover from the mistake of telling Mulder

how I felt about him. I also needed to go through the

test results from the hospital, and try to work out

what, if anything, was wrong with me.

Two days later, Mulder walked into the office, fully

expecting that Scully would already be in, as she was

on half days. As he looked around the room, he noticed

a thin film of dust on the desk. As he looked more

closely, he saw that none of Scully's personal knick

knacks were visible. A sense of dread began to gnaw at

him, and he booted up his computer. While he was

waiting, he checked his voicemail. Nothing from

Scully, but a terse message from Skinner ordering him

to contact Kim ASAP. Then he checked his email. A

short message was waiting for him, dated two nights

earlier.

'Mulder:

I've gone on leave. I'll be in touch.

Scully.'

This is not good, he muttered to himself as he picked

up the phone to call Kim. Fifteen minutes later, he

was sitting in front of Skinner, hoping to get

information about Scully out of the big man.

Skinner sat at his desk, reading through Mulder's

report on the Chicago case. He put the file back on

the desk, and leant back in his chair a little as he

decided what to say to his agent. Finally, he came to

a decision, sat back up, and started talking.

"So, Agent Mulder. This report would seem to indicate

that the case in Chicago was a hoax, wouldn't you

agree?"

Mulder nodded. "I had worked that out the first night

I was there, but I wanted to make certain of it before

I came back to DC."

"Do you have any explanation for your attitude of late

towards your partner? That voicemail message was

insulting, Mulder. Have you ever known Dana Scully to

blow off an assignment?"

Mulder shook his head, and had the decency to look

ashamed as he responded. "No, sir. Agent Scully has

always been the epitome of professionalism. I was

upset and tired when I called Scully, and it was

unprofessional of me to leave that message. I will

apologise to Scully when I see her again."

"That could be some time, Mulder. Scully has requested

a medical leave of unspecified length. I found out

from her mother that Scully signed herself out AMA two

nights ago, and has since departed for an unknown

destination."

"Do you know what's wrong with Scully, sir?"

"No, I do not. Maybe Mrs Scully does." The two men sat

immersed in their thoughts briefly before Skinner

dismissed Mulder, who wasted no time getting back

downstairs to his office.

Once the door was closed behind him, he pulled his

cell out and called Margaret Scully. That conversation

was not brief, and it was painful for both Mulder and

Mrs Scully. It was obvious to the two of them that

Dana was ill, perhaps seriously, and wherever she was,

she was alone. After he ended the call, he was about

to call his buddies, the Lone Gunmen, when he noticed

his inbox had an email from Scully. Quickly, he

clicked on it, and read his fate.

"Mulder,

I have been feeling unwell for some weeks now, so I'm

having a battery of tests done. I have had a few

episodes of fainting, but none where I was out of it

for so long, nor with the added nightmares, as a few

days ago at work. I feel tired and rundown all the

time, to the point of wondering if there's any reason

to go on.

It is unfair of me to ask that you put up with a

partner that is sick. You have so much to do, and if I

can't keep up with you, then I don't deserve to be

there with you. You need better that that. You

certainly deserve better than that.

As for what I said the other night, you can pass it

off as the insane ramblings of a tired, sick woman.

Take care,

Dana."

Mulder couldn't believe his eyes. Scully sounded

depressed, and she was giving him an out with respect

to her declaration of her feelings. As he contemplated

his actions of the last few weeks, he began to doze.

As he slipped into a more relaxed state, he felt all

the emotions that Melissa Ephesian had engendered in

him disappearing like snow in the sun. As those

emotions started bleeding out, a series of more

powerful emotions began filling him, body and soul.

All of these emotions had Dana Scully at their centre.

He saw her as if for the first time, standing in front

of him, strong and proud, and oh, so beautiful, with

her stunning eyes and her blazing intellect. He let

the emotions and visions wash through him, almost

purifying him with their intensity. He thought he

heard her voice, and sat up quickly.

'How could I have treated this wonderful woman so

shabbily?' he thought as the visions filled his mind

and burned in his soul. 'She deserves far more than I

could ever hope to give her.' In almost the same

instant came her voice, reaffirming that it was him,

Fox Mulder, that she loved, and the burst of warmth

that filled his heart was almost too much to bear, and

the tears that sprang up in his eyes trickled down his

cheeks unnoticed. 'I have to find her. I have to be

with her. No more hiding,' he thought as he pressed a

number on his cell.

"Lone Gunmen."

"Byers, it's me. I need your help urgently."

I had been in the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota,

for five days now. The doctors had run every kind of

test that they could think of, and were confident that

they were narrowing down what was making me sick. At

least, I wasn't bedridden, so I had been walking

around the city, seeing the sights, and keeping myself

amused. One of the things that I had bought myself for

comfort was a Rochester Honkers baseball sweatshirt.

Not quite the Yankees, but it was still baseball.

I had also been reading as much as I was able,

particularly about autoimmune conditions, which is the

diagnosis the doctors were tending towards. I was

hopeful that the doctors here, who were among the best

in the world, would be able to tell me what was wrong.

It was getting on towards dinner, so when I heard the

knock on the door, I didn't think twice about telling

whoever it was to come in.

"Hey Scully."

It was Mulder. Seeing him here was a real surprise,

and that was reflected in my greeting to him. "What

are you doing here, Mulder? How did you find me?"

"I'm here because my partner needs me to be. As for

finding you, Frohike sends his fondest regards, and

hopes that you're feeling okay."

I nodded, and said, "Just so long as they're not

hacking into my medical records."

Mulder chuckled at that image, then sobered. "Why

didn't you tell me how you've been feeling?"

"When could I have done that, Mulder? We've been so

busy with cases,"

"And I've been ignoring you." He nodded, and went on.

"Dana? Can we talk about that case in Apison?"

'Dana?' I thought. 'What's going on?' "Sure, if that's

what you want, but I left all my business suits at

home, and I filed my report with Skinner last week.

Was there a problem with it?" He looked askance at me

as I settled myself on my bed, and waited for him to

take the unusually comfy chair in my room. He

surprised me by coming and sitting on the bed, right

beside me.

"No need for a suit this time, and no, there are no

problems with your report. I know that you didn't

agree with what went on in Apison, Dana. I've had time

to put a number of things in perspective about that

case, and I now know that Melissa Ephesian is not who

I thought she was."

"Your soul mate."

"Yeah. I was in our office," he paused at my look of

disbelief, and grinned at me, "yes, our office, and I

had what I can only describe as a spiritual

experience. I experienced an awakening that was

exhilarating, and I felt a sense of renewal and peace

afterwards that I thought I hadn't felt in years. The

thing is, I have felt that sense of peace many times

before."

I couldn't see where this was going, and Mulder

noticed that I was getting a little antsy, so he

surprised me again by taking my hands in his before he

continued speaking.

"I have felt that peace in my soul when I'm with you,

Dana, and it took the reality check of you not being

around for me to recognise that what I already have

with you is so amazing it takes my breath away. And if

what we already have is this good, then I can only

imagine what it could be like if we were really

together." He looked into my eyes, and I felt that I

could see his soul, as I knew that he could see mine.

I had to be sure of what he was trying to tell me.

"Mulder, what exactly are you trying to say to me?"

He smiled, a full, heart-stopping smile, and quietly

answered, "I'm trying to tell you that I love you,

that I am in love with you, and that I want us to be

together." He saw me glance around the hospital room,

and gently turned my face back towards his with his

fingertips. "None of this matters to me, Dana. If we

are together, then nothing can defeat us. Be mine,

Dana. Please. We belong to each other; we belong with

each other." He cocked an eyebrow at me, and waited

expectantly for me to speak.

I had looked deep into Mulder's soul, and I knew that

he was being terrifyingly honest. I had seen the depth

of his feelings written in his eyes, and I was well

aware that he had seen those feelings mirrored in my

eyes. I took a deep breath. "That sounds a little like

a proposal to me, Mulder," I said with a small smile.

He grinned back. "You better believe it, Dana. When

you get out of here, we'll make it official. Get your

mom here to watch. What do you say?"

My cheeks were starting to ache from smiling. "That

sounds fine to me, Mulder."

He stroked my cheek, and said, "Call me Fox."


End file.
